And in the End, Even Zoey Surrendered Monday Morning Check-In Post

How Are You??!!

The pain in my teeth began to increase as the sounds of the explosions came fast and furious on July 4th. We’d been navigating the neighborhood bombs on and off for weeks already, Zoey shivering and hiding in the bathroom, Sookie with her ears back trying not to let on she was afraid, and Teddy panting and grimacing while next to me on the couch. On the 4th, however, it was nonstop.

For the first time since leaving, I wished to be back in our small town. That wish was dashed when reading on Facebook from a neighbor and friend there that someone near him had spent $23,000 on fireworks turning our old neighborhood into what we were experiencing here in Chicago.

We’d been taking the dogs out on leashes in the front due to the special happening of the baby robins that had nested above our back deck jumping out of the nest as fledglings earlier in the week and hopping around the yard while still being tended to by Mama and Papa Robin watching closely from above, loudly warning them every time anyone of us humans went out there.

Babies and Mama in the Nest, Mama and Papa in the Trees, Fledgings in our Yard

On the 3rd, just after midnight, we noticed the blue flashing lights of a police car at the end of our block. The vehicle then drove the wrong way down our one-way street and stopped where we were. The young female officer inside wanted to make sure our dogs were leashed due to the many dogs out running for their lives (Zoey had tried to make a break for it more than once already, but we had them in their harnesses, allowing us more control).

“Have your potty and then go to sleep!” she sweetly said to our pack as she continued on her way, shutting down the noises that continued to erupt all around us. Apparently, midnight was the cutoff line on the third when the police enforced the law that fireworks are illegal in Illinois. On the fourth, there was no cutoff line, and we did not even try to take Zoey out late that night. At that point, she was sleeping on the bathroom floor. Resigned to her fate and no longer shivering and panting, she had surrendered to that which she could not control, as had Teddy and Sookie hours earlier.

On the morning of the 3rd, before even taking my first sip of coffee, my phone on the desk next to where I was typing lit up. My dad was calling me. I took a breath and picked it up. It had been over a month since he said he’d reach out when he was up to it. I had almost called him two days earlier but my intuition said to hold off.

His ninety-six-year-old sister, my Aunt Laverne, had died in her sleep the night before. “You’re the first person I am telling,” he said to me as he expressed his relief that she was out of pain and his “despondency”. She was the last of his childhood nuclear family to go.

We made plans for me to drive out to see him later in the week.

My teeth began mildly hurting not long after.

By midnight on the fourth, I was feeling more and more pain. Jon did some Reiki on me and suggested that with all of the explosions, there may be a past-life war memory surfacing (I had seen that earlier myself), and of course, the Ray piece (my dad) may be a factor. Teeth issues run along both lines of my family, along with all of the other emotional ones. I finally fell asleep around 3:00 am.

The next morning I had a thought, “I wonder if the sound waves from all of the explosions triggered some of my tooth pain?” I looked it up, and yep it is a thing, an actual real thing, that the sound waves from fireworks can disrupt the thousands of water-filled tubes connected to the inner pulp in our teeth and cause them to vibrate which then causes nerve pain.

Solved! I’d be better once a couple of days passed. As The Pleiadians and Ursula suggested, I began working with the water in my body as a conduit of healing and love.

I texted Ray on the morning of the fifth to see if he was up for a visit that afternoon. He replied that he was not up to anything and that we’d need to put our visit on hold. This is how it goes with him. When he is vulnerable and in need he reaches out, opens up a bit, and then slams closed the door on his heart as hard as he can, making himself unavailable. I used to feel terribly rejected by this, not understanding this was all about him and had nothing to do with me. Now that I know, I no longer feel rejected, just sad and resigned.

The pain in my teeth increased followed by more explosions and extreme teeth pain that night.

I did not sleep at all. The only thing that gave me relief was swishing my mouth with cool water every couple of minutes. Swish, pain gone, put my head on the pillow and close my eyes, start to drift off, pain return. On repeat for six hours.

My stubbornness against taking any over-the-counter pain relief meds, and my anxiety that I had an abscess or infection that was going to travel to my brain or heart and kill me (oof, dead of the night wanderings of the mind when sleepless and in pain, coupled with internet reading on dental issues, do not recommend), none of this invited sleep.

“My doctor keeps my Tramadol prescription filled,” my dad replied when I asked if he was in any pain on our phone call earlier that week.

“Jesus F. Christ!” I thought to myself, “How long has this been going on?” For many years, is my guess, and it does explain some of his behavior. While not a Schedule II narcotic, it’s still an addictive opioid and the list of side effects is long.

The list of addictions in my family is also long, and this, coupled with some weird thoughts about how using pain relief is somehow cheating (New Age purity bullshit), has kept me from using these kinds of products when I may have benefitted (spoiler alert, I have since healed this one as I sit here with Advil running through my body and Orajel on my gums allowing me to function as the pain has receded to almost nothing).

At 6:00 am on the morning of the 6th, I was googling dentists open on Saturdays near me even though my Tarot cards were telling me that my catastrophizing was just that, a fear-induced fever-dream fueled by pain, lack of sleep, and taking on my father’s hurt, all being magnified by the new moon in Cancer. Also, the dogs were not okay, hence neither was I.

Theresa had given me a referral for a dentist on the afternoon of the fourth when the sensitivity in my teeth began to get just a bit more noticeable. I left his office a message at 7:00 am on the sixth hoping I would hear back by 8:00. By 8:30, I was calling around to the ones on my list and lo and behold, the office nearest to us, just 3 blocks away, could see me at 9:30. I hung up the phone and the pain in my teeth ceased, completely, as in gone as if it had never been there. Relief flooded me that I’d be receiving help, powerful healing magic.

I slept for a blessed ten minutes, finally able to be unconscious, even while nervous about going to the dentist. I am not unusual in that I have had wretched and traumatizing experiences in the past that have left me with a distrust and fear of going to any dentist, which, of course, does nothing for the health of my teeth.

Jon dropped me off, I was too exhausted and out of it to walk. An hour later I walked home, examined, and x-rayed. No infections or abscesses were found, just a couple of cavities to fill, a deep cleaning was recommended, and a need to look at what was happening underneath a cracked crown (yes, my one crown is cracked, make of this metaphor what you will).

By 11:00 pm that night, after eating a delicious Detroit-style vegan pizza and other fabulous foods at Smack Dab, some of my tooth pain had returned. Jon and I walked the few blocks to the nearest drugstore for some over-the-counter pain relief. Walking in the city at night is one of my favorite urban things to do. It’s a constant character study with many friendly “Hellos” and “How are yous?” as the night owls come alive in the quieter environment. I have also found that a gentle walk is often what I need when I am experiencing most kinds of discomfort.

I then slept a full night, pain-free, for the first time in three days not even waking once throughout. I wandered about Andersonville on Sunday in the rain, bought a new amethyst and aquamarine at On the Rocks Gems Jewelry and More, and refilled my looseleaf peppermint and chamomile tea at Eli Tea Bar.

I noticed again how happy I felt as I walked the streets of Chicago, popping in and out of shops and chatting with the people working there, and I reflected on the fun we had on the 4th cooking out with Theresa, Vasken, and members of Theresa’s family. A backyard hot dog (vegan for us) cookout on July 4th is about as peak Chicago as one can get. It seemed so easy to return to joy after the drama of my dental issues and family.

I’ll need to go back to the dentist this week and get at least one filling handled, but for now, I am okay as are the dogs. They’ve got their backyard back as the fledglings have moved on and the unexpected rain yesterday canceled out most explosions that may have happened on the last day of the holiday weekend.

How are You??!! Please leave me a comment below and let me know.

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