It's My Fault I Got Called a Dog, It's The Mayor's Fault I Got Called a Dog, It's Everyone Else's Fault but His.

Ojai City Council Series Part X

He did. He got up and said this. I am paraphrasing, but you get the gist.

This is Part X of my continuing series on Ojai Politics. (If you’re just coming into this series, you can start here with Part I - Pluto Misogyny Showdown at City Hall)

The being aligned with a male body who referred to me as a “dog who needed to be leashed” during the last city council meeting had multiple opportunities to apologize. Instead, he doubled down on his assertion that everyone else was to blame for his bad behavior, behavior he claimed to apologize for.

Here was his apology.

I approached him after he said it at the last meeting, and he said, “My wife told me that I need to apologize to you.” - FAIL

“So, I am sorry for what I said, but…..” any apology that contains a “but” - FAIL

Jon and I have a pretty standard apology. It goes like this, “I am sorry for being an asshole.” If the word “asshole” does not work for you, then choose something that does, something that implies your acknowledgment of your wrongdoing.

I can not tell you how challenging it was to sit quietly in the gallery while he spoke, this person who victim blamed and shamed me and blamed the female Mayor for his inability to keep his misogynistic statements to himself.

We’re in trouble here, in this world. Living through accelerating change and the fear this is creating has that fear coming out sideways in many. I said as much when I got up there to speak, as I had said at the last meeting as well. I guess I’ll keep saying it until it starts to sink in.

I was not going to speak at this meeting, but the attacks on Mayor Stix and Councilmember Whitman got to me. It was Renee Roth who once again just could not help herself and went after the Mayor who got me out of my seat and into the vestibule to fill out a comment card. Renee ran against Councilmember Whitman in the last election and lost to him. She was one of the slate of candidates endorsed by The Ojai Valley Democratic Club, and she does not miss an opportunity to trash Mayor Stix.

Peggy La Cerra spoke right after the abuser did, and she came to my support and then proceeded to take the patriarchy apart piece by piece in her statement, connecting her comments to the Agora Foundation. The abuser sits on the board of that foundation and also teaches for them. Tara Jeffery followed with more support for me and a takedown of some of The Councilmember R’s abusive behavior she has demonstrated since being seated on the council. Drew Mashburn had some things to say about this as well.

The Councilmember R started the meeting off with a dig at the Mayor and a suggestion that she violated the Brown Act during the last meeting by reading the prepared statement she came in with. This attack against Mayor Stix was more subtle than some others, as she did not mention her by name, but most of us knew what she was doing. At least she stayed seated this time when I was at the lectern.

It was The Mayor Pro Tem F, however, who decided to counter me. Seems like she and The Councilmember R take turns. If one of them does not give me a hard time then the other one does. Not only did she argue with me about the points I had made, but she also quoted the abuser.

Her internalized misogyny manifested itself outwardly towards me, Mayor Stix, and every single woman in the room, whether they knew it or not. I felt terrible after I was done at the lectern, terrible that she would choose to both attack me and attack the mayor through me. More than once last night I was referred to as “The Mayor’s something” (proxy, supporter, puppet, part of the cabal). Ugh!

At a time when women are under attack, here in the US and worldwide, to see women intentionally be shitty to other women, to see them doing the bidding of their misogynistic male counterparts is almost too much for me to bear in this moment, so much so that I have to force myself to write about it.

The lunar eclipse on Saturday, the energy of which is already brewing, is magnifying this. It’s going to be an emotional few days/weeks, this seems certain, and I encourage you, dear reader, to prioritize your self-care, especially if you identify as female.

At the last meeting, after he’d shouted his abuse at me, The Mayor Pro Tem F said to me in private, “I am sorry that happened to you. But Nora, these people are unenlightened. You can’t just make sweeping statements like the ones you did and not expect to get a reaction.”

Let me repeat, “These people are unenlightened”. That’s right, those are her constituents she is talking about, the people coming in and supporting her efforts along with The Councilmember R’s to mess with Mayor Stix, Councilmember Whitman, and sometimes Councilmember Lang. Not only are they attacking these council members, they are taking up time, time that could be used to get the city business done. The Mayor Pro Tem F is the first to complain about the amount of time things take, yet is often the one who takes the most time at the microphone as she meanders and manipulates, appearing to be kind and confused while waxing about her previous years on the council, sneaking in digs and jabs at Mayor Stix and Councilmember Whitman and even Councilmember Lang at times.

She is the one who called me and others “crazy” for our opinion that Name Redacted’s numerous misogynistic actions were grounds for dismissal from the planning commission. She, while her mic was hot, recently complained about having to get up out of her chair to take a photo with the widow and other family members of a community member who had died. She also has a habit of running to social media and trashing her fellow council members there.

The image below is something she posted to her Facebook page. Here she is misusing the term “lynch mob” (it’s a form of racism to use the term in this way and in any way other than to speak about the murder of black people). She is referring to Councilmember Lang’s choice to listen to the citizens of the valley with regard to the removal of Name Redacted from the Ojai Planning Commission. Councilmember Lang has received threats and hate mail as has Mayor Stix and Councilmember Whitman. When a council member trashes her fellow members in this way and when she attacks them from the dias, it gives the community a permission slip to do the same and worse.

She got called out for this, The Mayor Pro Tem, and then did as she often does, deleted it all from her social media page. Screenshots are a thing of beauty and a reminder that even though you may think you took down the harmful and hateful speech denigrating your fellow FEMALE council member, our memories are long.

Taking the patriarchy down after thousands of years of being the dominant power structure is not easy. I woke this morning still upset that the abuser from the last meeting got up there and blamed the women in the room for his bad actions and then was supported by a woman on the council.

I have a stabbing pain underneath my right shoulder blade that almost always shows up when confronting feelings of betrayal like this. The Mayor Pro Tem chose to betray me, the mayor, and every other female-identifying being on the planet last night. More than that, she betrayed herself.

As I am closing this piece out, as this is all I can write about last night’s meeting at this point, I am met with two pieces of news. Acapulco, Mexico was just hit last night/this early morning with a category 5 hurricane that seemed to come out of nowhere. As of yesterday morning, it was only classified as a tropical storm.

Accelerating climate change coupled with an eclipse corridor.

And Mike Johnson was elected as Speaker of the House. He’s about as patriarchal, hate-filled, anti-women/female-identifying, anti-LGBTQIA, and racist as one can get, along with being a proponent of the MAGA Big Lie about the 2020 election and every other MAGA thing.

The shadow of this eclipse is long and hard and filled with suffering. The loop of suffering we all have been trapped in must end. It is perpetuated, in part, by our excusing of the plentiful abusers on this world, the victim blaming, and a belief that we need to suffer to evolve.

Suffering begets more suffering.

It is love that fuels our growth.

Again, please prioritize your self-care and then take directed action toward supporting our most vulnerable in any and every way that you can during these often intense and overwhelming times of change. We will move through this but only by the collective coming together in support of a peaceful and harmonious reality for all.

Read Part XI Here

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