I feel you. The barbarity of this moment, the heads-in-the-sand, the cruelty being the point…I so want to jump out of this timeline. Thanks for saying the hard parts out loud.
You know . . . I feel you. (the young Celia would say - "I feel ya, sister!") For the past . . . I'd say month or so, I have had to take a step back from looking at every action being taken by the administration because it was too much. I found myself highly anxious . . . at some points beside myself with worry without any place to put it. Even with making calls and writing and meeting with representatives - taking direct action to say what I believe in rather than simply accepting what was happening - it was not sustainable for me. My system couldn't take it. I lived in that feeling of hate or maybe trying to flee from it, and that still happens. Shame was another one - ashamed to be American with that person at the helm and disgust that he is. Seeing his face and hearing his voice brings me to hate almost immediately.
The healing piece is interesting. I hadn't thought of it in that way before - - - that the people who seemingly have the most access to it, utterly reject it. I don't even know if it's part of their field of awareness. That's probably too generous to say. But I just had a conversation with my mother in which I suggested therapy and/or anti-anxiety medication and her knee-jerk response was to worry that I thought she needed those things. Her carefully curated view of herself (hmm . . . how am I like this as I sit here with arms crossed between sentences?) doesn't seem to allow for the admission that this kind of help/healing is needed. She doesn't even acknowledge the wounding. It is as you have written above.
I don't have answers, but I was in a gathering this morning, where we attempted to connect with our true selves, and a woman came back with a memory of a time when she was very young and some bullies came at her with a rock. She remembered saying to herself - "you can't make me hate you. I know that this is not truly who you are and you can't make me hate you." She went on to describe some magical stuff happening and said that she wants to get back to that place. I don't know how to put this into actual day to day practice with both family and political figures, but if feels like there's something to it. I wonder what parts of this are feelings/emotions to metabolize and/or transmute vs. not mine to carry. It feels like this is my work right now - finding and trusting myself and my own discernment and guidance. To do that, I need to turn down the noise. That works better with the political/environmental stuff, and less so with those closer to me - mom & kids.
Okay - so with all of that figured out :-/, I will say thank you for the space and for your words and for sharing in this time/space reality and sending lots of love!
I came back here to apologize for rambling . . . but instead I will just say thank you again for the space and the discussion. It is way more interesting than the items on my to-do list today!
Gosh, I resonate and second all of this, every single word. The collective pain and insecurity and wounding has never felt so heavy. And all of us sensitives who are tuned into it are bearing the brunt. It feels like all the mainstream people I know are just trucking on, more or less life as normal. And every sensitive person I know is dying inside, going through massive life change and being pummeled by all the intense energies. The divide, even in this small way, feels more pronounced than ever.
In my own world, I live with my parents right now and they’ve been away in Pennsylvania this weekend. It’s given me a moment to feel into the timeline of not living with them, being responsible for my own self and home, and I have to say, it’s been fucking glorious. I feel bigger and more expanded and more myself in all the best ways. They return this afternoon and I’m not looking forward to it, but hopefully this time has planted some seeds for the future.
I also did A LOT of relational heavy lifting last week. You know those tasks that sit around for months to be done and even though they aren’t hard, you just keep putting them off. Well I had a bunch of relationship stuff like that that needed doing, I just hadn’t gotten around to actually saying the words or doing it. I closed one relationship, wrapped the final last threads with the guy I had been seeing that triggered all the grief back in March, and told a dear friend I needed a break and some space to reset our dynamic. It all had been slowly coming for weeks/months and I’m so proud of myself for leaning in and actually doing it. I feel so free on the other side, but also tired and I’m not quite sure what to fill the empty space in my life with yet. I guess we’ll see.
Big hugs to you and all your hatred Nora. You’re not alone, we’re all in this together, thank God. And may Saturn moving into Aries help this timeline fucking shift!
Hugs received and returned. Thank you, as always, for your share. And yeah, Saturn moving into Aries on the 24th is going to be the topic of my next piece. Gonna change it all up.
I totally feel this Note. The "Battle of Love and Hate" rages on like tidal waves crashing against a rocky shoreline of flowing lava... And it probably always will. ✌️❤️🕯️ and 👽
Beautiful and so relatable💓 I definitely relate to having parents who struggle with addictions. I eventually learned true self-reliance as a result, but there is still so much trauma being processed all the time. Just when I think I've dealt with everything a wild memory will resurface. 😅
The house buyer's name though: what a mind-f#ck! 😬
Thanks for this timely article. I can’t figure out yet how to deal with the hate. I wish I could say I could blame it on their wounding and trauma and unhealed issues. But I can’t get there. So many of us have spent time and money we didn’t have trying to become better people. Many of us were surrounded by environments of racism and hate growing up, but yet we knew it was wrong and worked hard to become better. And I can’t seem to be okay with people in this day and age not growing or caring that it’s wrong to be filled with hate. At first, I was really angry but now I’m just sad and heartbroken over it all. This is the information age and it’s so easy to verify facts and find true information instead of believing lies and conspiracies, but yet people have no interest in critical thinking or even the basic fact checking. The best that I have done lately is if I see something that upsets me, especially something that felon 45 has done I tell myself that I’m not going to waste one more second of my life on him or his followers, and that my life is important and I will not tarnish it or waste my valuable time on them.
I do know that it’s not my job to turn them into who I think they should be and they are on their own path. That they need to live their lives and grow as they choose to. I just want them to not hurt others as they do it. I don’t care if they have to come back 1 million more lifetimes to try to get it right, I just don’t want them making others suffer because of their hatred and bigotry and woundedness.
But I think for me each day is better. I am able to distance myself more. As I said, it’s not worth my time or energy to worry about them. I also know that things are going to be better fairly soon and that our consciousness is raising or expanding and that happier times are ahead.
My partner Kelvin likes to joke as he goes to his work sometimes, " In with the love , Out with the Hate " .
It usually makes me laugh .
Sometimes I desperately want to find a laugh and some lightness when there is a constant barrage of how shit things are for many in the world .
I see the shadow self in the world and I guess that's a part of me too sadly .
I think back to reading and loving the Thomas Covanent books of " The Land " and the wounded hero who causes pain until he sees and realises the white gold inside himself .
His Opposite " Lord Foul " is the representation of the collective shadow in that reality .
To Thomas he is an intrinsic manifestation of his own dark shadow self .
And he finds his light within " the White Gold " and beats Lord Foul every time , eventually.
I know I have to find that White Gold wielder inside myself .
He's always been there bringing balance to the shadow .
Maybe there's a choice beyond the duality and a path beyond conflict and pain and negativity .
I am no alone in this search , I have you Nora and the many others who search for meaning .
Wouldn’t it be easier to just love everyone where they’re at? It’s not us versus them. It’s us WITH them. Unity. We could build so much there in that place together. Much love to you Sister 🥰
I feel you. The barbarity of this moment, the heads-in-the-sand, the cruelty being the point…I so want to jump out of this timeline. Thanks for saying the hard parts out loud.
Thank you. Hugs and love
You know . . . I feel you. (the young Celia would say - "I feel ya, sister!") For the past . . . I'd say month or so, I have had to take a step back from looking at every action being taken by the administration because it was too much. I found myself highly anxious . . . at some points beside myself with worry without any place to put it. Even with making calls and writing and meeting with representatives - taking direct action to say what I believe in rather than simply accepting what was happening - it was not sustainable for me. My system couldn't take it. I lived in that feeling of hate or maybe trying to flee from it, and that still happens. Shame was another one - ashamed to be American with that person at the helm and disgust that he is. Seeing his face and hearing his voice brings me to hate almost immediately.
The healing piece is interesting. I hadn't thought of it in that way before - - - that the people who seemingly have the most access to it, utterly reject it. I don't even know if it's part of their field of awareness. That's probably too generous to say. But I just had a conversation with my mother in which I suggested therapy and/or anti-anxiety medication and her knee-jerk response was to worry that I thought she needed those things. Her carefully curated view of herself (hmm . . . how am I like this as I sit here with arms crossed between sentences?) doesn't seem to allow for the admission that this kind of help/healing is needed. She doesn't even acknowledge the wounding. It is as you have written above.
I don't have answers, but I was in a gathering this morning, where we attempted to connect with our true selves, and a woman came back with a memory of a time when she was very young and some bullies came at her with a rock. She remembered saying to herself - "you can't make me hate you. I know that this is not truly who you are and you can't make me hate you." She went on to describe some magical stuff happening and said that she wants to get back to that place. I don't know how to put this into actual day to day practice with both family and political figures, but if feels like there's something to it. I wonder what parts of this are feelings/emotions to metabolize and/or transmute vs. not mine to carry. It feels like this is my work right now - finding and trusting myself and my own discernment and guidance. To do that, I need to turn down the noise. That works better with the political/environmental stuff, and less so with those closer to me - mom & kids.
Okay - so with all of that figured out :-/, I will say thank you for the space and for your words and for sharing in this time/space reality and sending lots of love!
I came back here to apologize for rambling . . . but instead I will just say thank you again for the space and the discussion. It is way more interesting than the items on my to-do list today!
LOL
You nor anyone else here ever needs to apologize for rambling. I loved your ramblings above.
turn down the noise YUP
that's the one
and then tune up the voice
olelo
Gosh, I resonate and second all of this, every single word. The collective pain and insecurity and wounding has never felt so heavy. And all of us sensitives who are tuned into it are bearing the brunt. It feels like all the mainstream people I know are just trucking on, more or less life as normal. And every sensitive person I know is dying inside, going through massive life change and being pummeled by all the intense energies. The divide, even in this small way, feels more pronounced than ever.
In my own world, I live with my parents right now and they’ve been away in Pennsylvania this weekend. It’s given me a moment to feel into the timeline of not living with them, being responsible for my own self and home, and I have to say, it’s been fucking glorious. I feel bigger and more expanded and more myself in all the best ways. They return this afternoon and I’m not looking forward to it, but hopefully this time has planted some seeds for the future.
I also did A LOT of relational heavy lifting last week. You know those tasks that sit around for months to be done and even though they aren’t hard, you just keep putting them off. Well I had a bunch of relationship stuff like that that needed doing, I just hadn’t gotten around to actually saying the words or doing it. I closed one relationship, wrapped the final last threads with the guy I had been seeing that triggered all the grief back in March, and told a dear friend I needed a break and some space to reset our dynamic. It all had been slowly coming for weeks/months and I’m so proud of myself for leaning in and actually doing it. I feel so free on the other side, but also tired and I’m not quite sure what to fill the empty space in my life with yet. I guess we’ll see.
Big hugs to you and all your hatred Nora. You’re not alone, we’re all in this together, thank God. And may Saturn moving into Aries help this timeline fucking shift!
Hugs received and returned. Thank you, as always, for your share. And yeah, Saturn moving into Aries on the 24th is going to be the topic of my next piece. Gonna change it all up.
I totally feel this Note. The "Battle of Love and Hate" rages on like tidal waves crashing against a rocky shoreline of flowing lava... And it probably always will. ✌️❤️🕯️ and 👽
Yeah. Love and peace right back.
Beautiful and so relatable💓 I definitely relate to having parents who struggle with addictions. I eventually learned true self-reliance as a result, but there is still so much trauma being processed all the time. Just when I think I've dealt with everything a wild memory will resurface. 😅
The house buyer's name though: what a mind-f#ck! 😬
I'm so sorry for what you've been through.
Sending you my love. The layers of it all are endless.
Yeah, a mind fuck (no need to censor on my page lol)
Thanks for this timely article. I can’t figure out yet how to deal with the hate. I wish I could say I could blame it on their wounding and trauma and unhealed issues. But I can’t get there. So many of us have spent time and money we didn’t have trying to become better people. Many of us were surrounded by environments of racism and hate growing up, but yet we knew it was wrong and worked hard to become better. And I can’t seem to be okay with people in this day and age not growing or caring that it’s wrong to be filled with hate. At first, I was really angry but now I’m just sad and heartbroken over it all. This is the information age and it’s so easy to verify facts and find true information instead of believing lies and conspiracies, but yet people have no interest in critical thinking or even the basic fact checking. The best that I have done lately is if I see something that upsets me, especially something that felon 45 has done I tell myself that I’m not going to waste one more second of my life on him or his followers, and that my life is important and I will not tarnish it or waste my valuable time on them.
I do know that it’s not my job to turn them into who I think they should be and they are on their own path. That they need to live their lives and grow as they choose to. I just want them to not hurt others as they do it. I don’t care if they have to come back 1 million more lifetimes to try to get it right, I just don’t want them making others suffer because of their hatred and bigotry and woundedness.
But I think for me each day is better. I am able to distance myself more. As I said, it’s not worth my time or energy to worry about them. I also know that things are going to be better fairly soon and that our consciousness is raising or expanding and that happier times are ahead.
Anyway enough ranting. I am sending you love.
Ranting is good. I love you right back.
To happier times ahead.
My partner Kelvin likes to joke as he goes to his work sometimes, " In with the love , Out with the Hate " .
It usually makes me laugh .
Sometimes I desperately want to find a laugh and some lightness when there is a constant barrage of how shit things are for many in the world .
I see the shadow self in the world and I guess that's a part of me too sadly .
I think back to reading and loving the Thomas Covanent books of " The Land " and the wounded hero who causes pain until he sees and realises the white gold inside himself .
His Opposite " Lord Foul " is the representation of the collective shadow in that reality .
To Thomas he is an intrinsic manifestation of his own dark shadow self .
And he finds his light within " the White Gold " and beats Lord Foul every time , eventually.
I know I have to find that White Gold wielder inside myself .
He's always been there bringing balance to the shadow .
Maybe there's a choice beyond the duality and a path beyond conflict and pain and negativity .
I am no alone in this search , I have you Nora and the many others who search for meaning .
Together then ....
Sending you my love.
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts and for sharing here and your presence on this world.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just love everyone where they’re at? It’s not us versus them. It’s us WITH them. Unity. We could build so much there in that place together. Much love to you Sister 🥰