I Hit the Wall

Mosaic-Filled Cracks in the Sidewalk at Indian Boundary Park - Chicago

It was bound to happen, our lives upended and in transition for months now, cramming as many clients and classes and events in as we could since we got notice, knowing there would be a six-week window of crickets where work is concerned, running on adrenaline and magic and following the breadcrumbs. Sometime this week I slowed down enough to access it all.

I slept

and slept

and ate and slept.

I can not decide which internet service to buy, my brain is this offline. Making this decision feels like too much on top of all the other too much.

I’m also stalling on buying furniture for my office. I want to thrift and second-hand it, and this also feels like too much. So I’ve got a shopping cart loaded with a desk and armchairs, but I can’t commit, ‘cause this decision feels like too much.

So for now, I am letting it all sit in this full Flower Moon in Sagittarius. When I have this much resistance to getting things done it’s often an issue of timing or not having all of the information I need. I have learned not to push myself in these moments, as challenging as it is for me to sit amidst so much that is incomplete.

None of this cancels out the flow, synchronicities, magic, and all of the good and love that have been along on this ride. It all exists, side by side, like the beauty in the image above. Cracks filled in with art and care.

I did go out and buy a Chemex coffee maker. I gave mine away the morning we left California. A few days after we left I got a text from my neighbor asking me to contact our former landlord due to his house being on fire. It turns out it wasn’t the house, it was some paint/turpentine-soaked rags sitting on the porch. I’m not sure how they sparked, but they did. The firefighters made quick work of dousing it.

Living there at times was too much. There is often a price when you’re paying under market for a space, and as fortunate as we were to live in Meiners Oaks for fifteen years, we did pay with some emotional labor to counter the lower financial cost.

Perhaps it is also this I am recovering from. I am noticing Jon and I are much happier here than we often were in that house in Meiners Oaks. We are easily influenced by the energy of the people around us, as boundaried as we can be, and it’s a huge difference to live in a building among people who love each other and enjoy their lives.

Even Teddy, our shy and anxious pooch, is warming up to people faster than ever. He was around many new people at the park today and did not flinch or freeze once.

Side note: Teddy does this funny thing when he is comfortable around you, he’ll sit up very straight, completely still, staring straight ahead. Jon calls this “Buckingham Palace” because Teddy looks exactly like one of the King’s Guard. The other night when our nine-year-old friend was here, she and I were hanging out in the bed with all the doggies and he went into Buckingham Palace pose.

“He looks like a royal!” she squealed, immediately seeing it. Laughing I told her we call this “Buckingham Palace”.

The love in this building is having a wonderful effect on us all.

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