I took The P’s suggestion to heart and focused on my self-care this weekend. I did only what I wanted to do in the moment, and this included a load of laundry because I really wanted a clean batch of clothes. I also did more yoga. Yay for me! Maybe we’re back together, me and my yoga practice, only time will tell.
I did not get a massage yesterday as I had been planning to, as I really just was not feeling it in the moment. I’ve learned to trust these feelings (most times) over the years. Too many times in the past I’ve ignored the inner prompt and wound up with an outcome that was less than desirable, to say the least.
Inner Voice - “Don’t park there, you’ll get towed.”
Me - “Shut up! It’ll be fine.”
Shortly Afterward Me - “Fuck!”
Doling out that hundred-plus dollars felt extra hard every time. Yup, I said “every time”.
Jon was angling for a fight yesterday. His emotions are often magnified during a full moon, and the emotional weight of the collective right now is WEIGHTY and sad, inducing a feeling of powerlessness in us all.
I did not play (okay, I started to play) and then changed course. I grabbed Kristen McGuiness’s new book Live Through This (highly recommend it) which I had just picked up at her Pizza Restaurant in town, got in the car, and went to the park. I sat on a bench and not long into it was openly crying due to the content (it’s so good). So, I got back in my car and headed to the safety of the patio at The Farmer and The Cook which sits half a block from our home. I drank some tea and read some more and then started wondering what was for dinner tonight.
I was not going to do it on this self-care weekend, have the “What’s for dinner?” conversation that’s become a repetitive mantra in this existence.
I texted Jon and invited him to walk down and have dinner with me, which he did.
Fight avoided.
Twenty-four and a half years in and I am finally enacting some actual conflict resolution techniques. We once, many, many years ago, had such a loud argument that the seven-year-old boy who lived in the apartment below us knocked on our door, handed us some candy bars in a Ziploc bag, and then ran away. This was also an effective conflict resolution tool, both the chocolate and the embarrassment that our big mouths were being heard all over the building block.
Gaza. Israel. Heartbroken. It has not left my consciousness. It’s just there, always right now, the murder and destruction and grief and loss and suffering. I stand with all beings who are suffering and ask that those perpetrating the suffering stop.
Everywhere.
Perpetrators, it is time for you to stop.
How are you today on this post-eclipse, the-veil-is thinning-Monday? Drop me a comment below and let me know.
Glad to hear how well you are doing with conflict revolution. I meant to say conflict resolution but revolution came out so I think I'll just leave that there. I have worked for many many many years to avoid angry conflict in my personal relationships and with the world and have some success as myself so I know how good that feels not to have to struggle to be heard and understood. It takes two to do that and both sides have to want to agree to communicate more effectively I have found.
As for checking in, the past few weeks have been a real bear in terms of feeling oh kinds of shortage fears that have no basis in reality. My higher self keeps telling me no this is old stuff just to be cleared out but it feels so very real and it is exhausting standing up to this relentless droning worry about what hasn't happened and never has happened. In my relationship with me I'd like to kick my ass and shut me up but I know that won't do any good but will be very successful in making things worse. I will just have to live with being temporarily insane encountering it with the knowing that I have never been short of any other kind of things being presented to me and have not created it for the future either. Thanks for listening.
"the emotional weight of the collective right now is WEIGHTY and sad, inducing a feeling of powerlessness", that was definitely me yesterday. I thought it was eclipse hangover perhaps. Feel a tiny improvement today, but not by much.
Have often had this image of being a giant being and swoop in, grab the powerplayers by the scruff of their necks and say *enough! you had your chance and I'm taking away your "toys", coz these are not toys. I'm putting you in timeout for the rest of your days where you can sit and watch --mute -- until you comprehend your wrongs and stupidity.*